u noe things are bothering u when they keep going over and over nonstop in ur head despite being so physically tired.. would u ever collaborate with someone who's work ethics are different to urs? one of the reasons i quit the company was becos of that.. not to say that their ethics are wrong, but perhaps just cos we are motivated by different reasons. for me, money is of course impt, but tts not the be all and end all.. and making a name for myself is not the point either. for others, it might be money.. and purely so becos i noe of ppl who take on numerous choirs (like more than 10 at any one time.. and still looking for more) because i can't quite see any other reason for it unless u're a workaholic. and of course if u manage to arrange it back to back and make ur schedule work, sure enough u can fit it such that u work a normal 40-44hour week. but unfortunately in this arena, things dun happen like that.. becos more often than not, we're required to be in more than one place at a time as these few weeks have attested. so what happens then? u start sending in subs.. subs that go in left, right, up and down for u into the schs that u think are not as impt as those that they clash with and u would rather be at... so in the end the sch signs up for u, but almost half the time, someone else is in there. so my issue is: i've got someone asking me to co-conduct a couple of choirs.. and to me that's confusing.. cos if u are unable to give those those choirs ur time, and im supposed to stand in almost half the time, then where does that leave me? and where does that leave the choir? it simply means im going bk to sq one.. with the choir that dropped me and my boss earlier this year. the same issues are going to come up again.. except that it's going to be worse this time.. at least at that point of time, my role was purely to take sectionals and do theory work. but simply becos my boss couldn't manage to cover what she needed to finish on her days each time, i had to take over her share of work and then eventually cos of her pregnancy, i had to tkae over the choir fully for a few mths.. anyway it's pretty obvious from my own ramblings that i've decided i wun co-conduct the choir. but do i want to do accompaniment for them then? becos i might end up with the same prob of having to take the practices instead, except my title is different.. im just the pianist who's helping to take practices cos the conductor ain't ard.. but somehow that feels much more comfortable.. simply cos i dun think i can live it down knowing that i'm somewhat responsible for the choir while not being able to do my best in the position. or am i just justifying myself with having the same job but no responsibilities attached? having said that, that doesnt mean i will give up accompaniment totally cos that's one of the best ways to learn and pick up training tips from others. that and as long as it's plain and pure accompaniment with no other connotations that i am to be responsible for the choir, i'm more than happy to do it. i dunno.. but i guess for me my ideal situation would be to have just to conduct 2-3 choirs on my own and be able to still give each of them my best.. was having a conversation with my colleague earlier this week about pay and she remarked that her aim is to earn 8k a mth.. that means 400 per day for each working day. i always tot 8k was a lot but after working it out with her (with bill payments, loans, etc added into the equation), i realised 8k really ain't a lot of money at all.. and i've not even gone anywhere near that yet.. but neither has she.. ahhahahaha.. tts just her ideal situation. so my point is, if i were only to conduct 2-3 choirs, i doubt i can get my 8k a mth... unless all of the 2-3 choirs i have must have at least five 2 to 3-hr rehearsals a week. either that or i quadruple my fees. ahhahaha. so i guess im just gonna have to remain a poor mouse for the rest of my life.. it just struck me again today how tiny this scene is.. at least one of the schs that im currently doing accompaniment for was meant to be one of the schs that i was supposed to take up through my boss' company last year/early this year.. cos there were repeated requests from the schs.. but i rejected them simply cos i couldnt handle any more schs.. and also that i've only been doing this for about 21mths and i already have students in my sch who are singing under my own college choir conductor.. wow.. my point is.. all things considered.. i need to keep my intergrity and be on form at all times.. can't slack off becos u never noe when these things will come bk to haunt u.. kudos to anyone who's read to this point. this post was meant as a rant and a sorting out of thoughts kinda post becos i've been bothered by this for a few days now.and hvnt had anyone to talk to about this that would not provide me with an unbiased opinion of the matter... and the one person whom i think would be not so biased yet informed about wat im talking about was asleep when i called just now, hence this long long post.. heh. alright, bedtime and then it's off to the hospital tmr to collect paperwork and spend the rest of the day and nite in church catching up with things that i've not done this week.. and for next week too.. then fri will fly by.. n then it's sat.. now if only i could fast fwd myself to sun, that would be great... | 